Why is it that I spend the majority of my time talking and blogging about things I don’t really care about. Tweeting and studying things that don’t mean much. And thinking about things don’t necessary hold high value… Oh yeah, because it’s my job!
No, my job isn’t to study stuff that means nothing me. But my job is to do stuff that makes money. And even though I do not really care about the subject in heart felt priority, I do care about providing for my family and even helping my clients who do care about what I know. So that makes it all worth it… I guess?
Now that I’m in my age old thirties, I no longer spend time with wishful thinking about a utopian existence where I forsake everything, but only do what I want, what I love, what pleases me. When I neither live for the dollar nor live for survival, but all is peaceful and serene where I look inside my heart and only do the activities that are most beneficial for me at the time.
It’s interesting how I can turn and be sarcastic about this. Knowing it’s a very serious subject — at least to myself. I treat this back and forth struggle as if I’ve got a grip on this subject and I know the answers. I call the dreamer naive and the conservative wise. And of course I’m not naive.
But that is my issue. I need to think I have grip on the truth. Or a truth. I need to have a handle on things so I can live my days in a consistent relation to it. If my truth becomes wobbly my entire world is unstable. And who could live in an unstable world? So I find a truth that fits. One that makes sense. Fitting nicely with my understanding of the world and my life. Both of these things must fit into their places in some cohesive manner. The world and my life.
The world is so vast and my life is so linear. And so no matter what happens to me, good or bad – expected or catastrophic, I look to the world to see if it has happened to someone else. Good. I’m not alone. And it might not be my fault.
I look to scripture to see if there is a verse the explain or encourages me. Good. God is with me. And he might actually work it out for good. I look outward to see if my vision for the future is still obtainable. Good. Let’s keep living. I start moving as quickly as possible pick up a book or a tweet or email to put my mind back on work.
P.S.
Side thought. Maybe I do stuff and learn stuff that doesn’t mean much, because it allows me to do stuff that I do care about? Yeah, I sweat in vanities to build strength in priorities.