I believe false contentment is prevalent and even virally infecting many of us.
What is “false contentment?” you ask. I define it as a limiting mindset that normalizes, and is satisfied with, average achievements. (click to tweet)
I know this may sound crazy, but if you have learned how to shift your thinking in order to maximize peace and comfort like me, you may fall into this behavior.
For example, take this scenario of two common routes for managing discomfort and pain.
1: To minimize the pain, avoid the activity altogether. Do something different. Do what you would enjoy. Easy enough right? Not really.
What if you cannot easily change your circumstances? What if changing your behavior doesn’t come easily? Consider option 2.
2: Redefine pleasure and pain. Change the definitions or beliefs associated with the situation so that you no longer feel so terrible.
Think this is not possible?
I think it’s oftentimes easier than the first option.
How do you think people survive jail, war, living in abusive homes or even homelessness?
If they can’t change their situation, they change their mindset. This shift allows the the ability to cope and endure what they are living with and through.
But what about how we live with ourselves when we fail to reach our goals? That is certainly painful!! How does the life you live now compare to what you envisioned or hoped ten, twenty years ago? How have you avoided the discomfort of not reaching those goals?
I suspect, most of us have chosen a bit of both options. (I know I have).
First, we change our goals to something a little easier, a little more “realistic,” and rational. Next we look at our situations and consciously choose to be satisfied with it. We tell ourselves that being “content” with our circumstance is a good thing.
As a Christian, I think this temptation is very strong. In fact, we even have scriptures that we may use to justify lethargy and averageness. Take for example Philippians 4:11-12. (summarized)
“…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty…”
Despite this scripture, I believe that there is a difference between genuine contentment and false contentment, which is settling for less. In order to keep from slipping into a place of false contentment, I recommend the following steps:
1. Know what you want
This distinction begins with knowing what you want. You need to define for yourself what is “settling” and what is “success. “Settling can be a brief rest stop on the road to success, but it can’t become the new normal. Knowing what you are aiming for, and especially what settling looks like to you, will keep you less likely to land and stay there.
2. Don’t get stuck in repetitive cycles
If all you have are ups and downs, steps backwards and then forward, you can become misaligned and misguided.The efforts and fighting that only get you back to ground zero can wipe out your zeal. Life will bring ups and downs, but the median should always be increasing.
3. Don’t make your goal arriving at a feeling
When we first start dreaming and setting goals, we envision ourselves having achieved certain things. Those achievements have with them many rewards, only some being emotional. Other rewards include allowing us to have things and do things for ourselves and others. If we change our aim to simple “feeling good” we may forfeit the position and power to positively affect the lives of other people.
Furthermore, if you aim is to only have a good ‘feeling’ you might achieve that feeling without really doing anything. The brain seeks to obtain pleasure and avoid pain. It can also be rewired to obtain pleasure from a variety of activities. Thus, just feeling good can be achieved. That doesn’t, however, mean that you have actually achieved anything.
4. Monitor whether you are speaking to the present of the future?
Contentment speaks to the present, based on eternal values. It says things about who you are, not what you can do. It says, I am ok with myself. It is humble and meek and maintains a positive attitude.
Settling speaks to the future, based on the past. It says: “This is all I will ever do, because this is all I’ve ever done.” It’s short-sighted. It disguises itself as contentment but shows its ugly face when we look ahead at the future, and give up. And underneath it all, it breeds regret and offense.
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Probabilities or Possibilities?
To sum this up, I’ll quote my friend, Tracy Spears: “are you living from the probabilities or possibilities.” (click to tweet)
The distinction two makes all the difference.
Don’t settle.
Die Empty.
– Arvell Craig
P.S. To explore more on this subject, read my book review of Necessary Ending, here.