In the realm of freedom lies an immense amount of responsibility. This responsibility casts a weight that you can’t abdicate. You cannot share it. You either toughen up and learn to manage it or you buckle underneath it.
When you are detached from the availability to look to another for direction, blame or safety you lie completely alone. Not only in the tangible, but the intangibles are yours and yours alone.
You learn that your freedom entails more than what you do, where you go and with whom you do it. It includes the how and why behind all your actions. You can think, reason and believe as you see fit. Your errors and misdirections are yours alone to bear. The buck stops with you.
You are the author, narrator and main character. But you are also the critic. Your doubts, negativity and criticism are your greatest enemies. Your worry, stress and anxiety are corrosive to the confidence needed to endure…
Selah.
These are the thoughts that came to my mind today as I reflect on what’s been like working for myself over the past six years. As a husband and father bearing the weight of taking care of those I hold most dear, I realize the weight I’ve carried and the price I’ve paid.
I can never blame the government or economy. I have no union to fight for me, nor any employer to make sure work is steady and my family to provided for.
No one makes me think or believe anything. I can trust the status quo or go against it. I can submit to sacred scripture or question it. But if and when I’m wrong about any of it, I bare the weight, but the effects still fall on others.
Today I ask myself has it been worth it?
Do the pro’s outweigh the cons?
Should I just stop thinking, quit deciding and fall inline with the road commonly travelled?
Did I miss God?
Did I take on more than was suppose to be mine?
I don’t know.
I don’t have an answer, but I do want the next six years to be different.
I want things to be different. Not just for me and not just monetarily. But I hope my lifestyle of freedom, employment, entrepreneurship or ministry isn’t based on internal pleasure, but external impact.
Twelve years ago, I coin the phrase (at least in my mind) “Entrepreneurship the Freedom to Serve”.
That phrase implies a different way to looking at the cost of freedom. It’s not about what it costs you, but what it allows you to do for others.
I believe when we look at what our lifestyle decisions enable us to do for others instead of only how it effects us, we find this perspective brings new strength.