Necessary Endings, by Henry Cloud, co-author of the bestseller, Boundaries.
Today, I’m posting my second book review of books that really impacted me in 2013.
Necessary Endings focuses on a very straight-forward topic, but reveals how critical and rare it is to practice.
The gist of book is just as the title and subtitle states: you must end things in order to move forward in your life.
The process of ending things isn’t only necessary, but it should be a regular part of your life. It is often required to see change and growth.
Here are my major takeaways from the book:
1. PRUNING
The process of pruning makes the thing pruned more beautiful and more healthy than it would have been if left alone.
Yes, pruning is cutting and cutting hurts. Yes, the immediate sensation is loss and pain. However, you must understand this key fact.
KEY FACT: Just as every rosebush creates more buds than it can sustain, a life without pruning will have more ideas, more directions, more relationships that it can sustain. You have limited time, energy and resources. Pruning in your life will allow you to use your resources more effectively.
– Prune the good, in order to have the best.
– Prune the sick, that will never be well.
– Prune the dead to make room for the living.
When to prune?
Prune when you have more…
• Relationships than you can nurture;
• Activities than you can keep up with at any significant level;
• Clients than you can service all in the same way;
• Mentors who once “fit” but whose time has past;
• Product lines than you can focus on;
• Strategies than you can execute; and
• Stuff than you
2. SEASONS/ENDINGS ARE NORMAL
The third chapter is entitled, “Normalizing Necessary Endings.” Here, author Henry Cloud makes the point that we need to make the idea of ending things as necessary and normal. Just a the climate seasons change every three months, we need to know that areas of our life should change regularly.
This may seem normal, but it isn’t.
You could simply replace the word “endings” the word “change” here. It’s quite common for people to fear change. Our desire to remain in comfortable and familiar situations can blind us to benefit of ending things.
3. SOME REASONS WE AVOID ENDINGS
• We do not know if an ending is actually necessary, or if “it” or “he” is fixable.
• We are afraid of the unknown.
• We fear confrontation.
• We are afraid of hurting someone.
• We do not possess the skills to execute the ending.
• We do not even know the right words to use.
4. ERRONEOUS MINDSETS THAT KEEP US FROM ENDING THINGS
• Having an abnormally high pain threshold
• Covering for others
• Believing that ending means I failed
• Misunderstood loyalty
• Codependent mapping
I’ve summarized maybe 2 or 3 chapters out of 12. In the book, there are many examples and strategies and how-to’s for ending things.
If you are stuck in cycles or not seeing growth in your life, I encourage you to pick up the book! It’s available as print, kindle or audio.
Here’s a link to buy: Necessary Endings
P.S.
My post from yesterday on false contentment relates to this subject as well. See here.